Just the beating of hearts like two drums in the grey
by the-doctor-needs-a-river
Summary: "Throw me in the water, don't think about the splash I will create." First fic: When one has been without their significant other for as long as he had he had, it's the little things you start to forget like the way they take their tea or to remember to get out two cereal bowls instead of one. It was these things that were the hardest to adjust to. 12/River Human AU
1. Paint colours up the walls

When one has been without their significant other for as long as he had he had, it's the little things you start to forget like the way they take their tea or to remember to get out two cereal bowls instead of one. It was these things that were the hardest to adjust to.

Stood rigidly in the middle of the small, bleak looking room next to the roaring fire stood John Smith, completely at odd ends as what to do with himself. He took to peering around the space cautiously, despite the fact that it was his own home, as if afraid to see something that he shouldn't. The walls were bare apart from a vintage style 1950's St John's ambulance emblem hanging desolately on the wall surrounded by a sea of deep blue. The room its self was sparsely filled with only the bare minimum that would be needed to be habitable. A mere shadow of what it used to be; before she disappeared. The warmth of the flame crawled into every crack and crevasse of the quaint space, filling the room with light and a somehow out of place sense of calm because he certainly didn't feel calm. His heart was beating so hard and fast he was sure that it had somehow multiplied into two or simply split the moment she turned up on his doorstep again and threw his life out of balance.

With striking silver hair and a weathered face that told of wisdom and age but it was when you reached his eyes that you truly realised the depth of the ancientness reflected in the forest green orbs. Uncertain hands shook at his sides before restlessly carding through his grey locks, in a nervous fashion that belied the air of confidence portrayed by his rigid stance and firm posture. He had always been somewhat emotionally inept but usually he made up for what he lacked in feeling with words and gestures but he couldn't think of a single thing to do or say.

Curled up in a battered, white leather armchair sat a woman with piercing green eyes and masses of unruly golden ringlets that fell to just below her shoulders. With a blanket wrapped around her thin shoulders and her knees pulled up to her chest in a self-comforting gesture, she stared, almost hypnotised, into the open flame in front of her.

Not able to stand the silence anymore, John took a tentative step forward until he was stood directly in front of melody, blocking her view of the fire and forcing her to meet his eyes unsteadily. All of a sudden but not suddenly enough at all she lurched forward until she was encased in his embrace, wiry but deceptively strong arms wrapped firmly around her back. There was no way that even she could ever escape his hold, not that she'd want to.

 _The bottom had just collapsed from his world._

 _He sat unblinkingly, mind far away from the words being aimed at him, brain echoing with the one phrase over and over again._

 **There were no survivors** _ **.**_

 _The words ricocheted off of the very walls of his consciousness until he was sure that they would forever be ringing in his ears. It had just been an expedition; to a library of all places. What bad could happen in a library? She was his world and now she was gone._

He remembered the day he thought he'd lost her forever and buried his face further into her hair, trying valiantly not to let his tears show, knowing full well that she was doing the exact same.

 _Never show the damage._

Pulling back finally to look into her eyes swimming with tears, he almost broke down right there. "How?" he managed to croak out hoarsely, knowing he sounded like a fool but not caring regardless.

"I really don't know, my love." She spoke softly, trying to conceal a slight sniffle, giving away the fact that she was just as close to tears as he was.

"But I don't understand. How can you be here? It's not possi-" He was cut short by her soft admonishment of,

"A wise man once told me that sometimes miracles just happen. Can this not just be our miracle?"

His eyes softened instantly, unveiling a loving fondness that hadn't been seen in what felt like the centuries since he had last seen her before her expedition. "Our miracle? I think I could handle that." He leaned down slightly to press a sweet kiss to the bridge of her nose, just to see her wrinkle it in the adorable way he'd always loved.

"Our miracle." He repeated over her shoulder, watching as the embers of the fire slowly simpered down until they were barely glowing anymore. He didn't need their light anymore, he realised, he had once again found his light in the darkness and he would follow her to the end of the tunnel for as long as it would take to get there and longer since afterwards.


	2. Find my love, the find me

Sunrise was such a beautiful thing, showering the land in golden hues of light, dancing across the open landscape. Life thrived in its presence, a beginning for so many things; only to her could it be an ending. _Don't bring tomorrow, 'cause I already know I'll lose you._ A sunrise meant just that – the beginning of a new day, or the death of an old one.

Wind swept through the open balcony, caressing her golden curls and leaving her with chills, ready to carry her, too, off into the distance. _And when the sun it shines out, we'll be nothing but dust._ The air was silent but for the music resonating from the towers, a farewell melody.

She thought it was only fitting.

Every night prior the music had been comforting but now it was just filling her with dark dread, the diatonic harmonies becoming bitter and dissonant. So it was then, staring out at what had essentially been her very own monolith for the last 24 years that the thought dawned on her that perhaps this hadn't been her lullaby – her forever – but her countdown. After all, every melody must end just as every river eventually meets the sea.

She'd left him sleeping peacefully in the bed they'd shared for the last 24 years, slipping carefully out of his arms so as not to wake him. His last body had been such a light sleeper, waking at even the faint flutter of eyelashes against the soft skin of his cheeks but she did have ever so much fun tiring him out to the point where he actually fell asleep in her arms. This body, however, the one she had come to love just as dearly as her bowtie wearing idiot's, was very different. He could fall into a deep slumber at the drop of one of his previous regeneration's god-awful hats if he so wished but he always chose to wait until he had her held safely in his grip as if he was scared that if wasn't holding he'd wake up and it would all have been a dream. He always slept heavily when they were like that and when she questioned him about nightmares he'd tell her that he didn't have anything left to be afraid of as long as they were both safe there, ensconced tightly in each other's arms. _And your body warmth no longer beside me._

She'd planned to go to quietly, save the both of them the pain of goodbye but she was undoubtedly a selfish creature and refused to pass up the opportunity to see his beautifully idiotic face one last time before she had to leave him behind forever. That left her two options: wake him and get it over with or wait for him to wake of his own accord and steal every precious second she could get because she didn't know which one would be her last. She would always choose the second; stealing fragment of time with him has basically been her life for the past 200 years.

She felt his eyes on her before she felt him behind her but couldn't bring herself to turn away from the picture that had been her home for what felt like so long. When his hands dropped to her waist, clenching the material there as he buried his face into her neck, she realised that he was as much her home as Darillium was if not more so. He was where she belonged; screw the one psychopath per Tardis rule. She knew it every time she had to leave him, felt it keenly after Manhattan. She thought that leaving home was leaving Darillium but she was so wrong. It was just him.

And it was killing her.

He pulled her tightly against him, her back to his chest so that she could feel the beating of his hearts through her skin. When he pulled his face from her neck to nestle into her hair and release a shaking breath, she couldn't help the shudder that wracked her body from the closeness of him. She never could resist him, even in such emotionally challenging situations as these. It was always slap him or kiss him or sometimes both but always gave her the most dazed expression – either way – that she would always somehow end on the second option.

She was so lost in her own thoughts and the feel of him that she hadn't even registered that he was whispering to her, broken fragments of declarations in a language once lost and only understood by them but when she did her eyes started to sting and she had to shut them tightly against the tears threatening to spill over.

Eventually his speaking slowed until he was repeating on phrase over and over again into the skin of her shoulder, tears of his own burning behind his eyelids. "Please don't leave me."

She turned around to face him, then to be met with sparkling eyes, wide and pleading – her breath caught at the sight. "You know I have to."

It was that soft whisper pushed him over the edge of his self-control as a tear escaped down his cheek.

"Oh, my love." She reached out a gentle hand to tenderly wipe the wetness away and he opened his eyes ay the gesture meeting her gaze. She saw so much love and devotion there that it stole her breath even though she knew that he must be seeing the same thing reflected in her own eyes. "Everything ends, you taught me that but it's the times that come in between the beginning and ending that's the important part and we had some of the very best, didn't we? Always remember how we ran."

"I just wish…" He started but was cut off. "I know. Sometimes I do too but I wouldn't ever change our time together. Not even one line." She spoke so sincerely that he couldn't form words around the lump in his throat so he just nodded his agreement.

"You're right, you know." He spoke gruffly. "We did have some of the very best," after a brief pause to meet her eyes, he continued "And I loved every second of it." She laughed around her own tears, giving him a watery smile.

"Even when we were fighting or I killed you?"

"Especially then." He smirked, "And besides, you're really sexy when you're being deadly."

He gathered her into his arms and she had just enough time to whisper -"Cheeky." – into his chest as he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

"I love you, Doctor." She smiled as she said it, anticipating his usual response of "I know" when she was met with a sincere "I love you too, River." She didn't know what to say so she just clutched him closer and swayed gently with him to the music of the towers.

 _Don't bring tomorrow, 'cause I already know I'll lose you._

Perhaps their song didn't have to end quite yet… there's always time for an encore.


End file.
